Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “runner” simply as one that runs.
Since 2015, I have finished one full marathon, five half marathons, one 15K, three 10Ks, five 5Ks, and countless miles training for each. Just in races that is over 135 miles ran in the past seven years. So clearly, by definition, I can claim to be a runner…right?
Despite knowing logically that I am, in fact, a runner…I have never thought of myself as one. At every single race or even when passing someone on the pavement, I have felt like a newbie or an imposter. I keep waiting for someone to grab me out of the starting gate because I clearly don’t belong.
But why?
Glad you asked.
First, I don’t look like a runner. I don’t have a runner’s body. My husband can’t pull a Michael Scott to describe his wife as a runner and it shows. You can’t see any toned muscles at first glance…or even a deeper second glance. I’m fluffy…squishy…soft.
Second, I’m slow. Do I finish the races? Yep. Am I finishing them quickly? Nope. I was second to last in my age group when I ran the full marathon. My average mile is clocking in around 13-15 minutes. I tend to take a lot of walking breaks to gather motivation to keep going. I’m a turtle.
Third, I’m not an expert. I’ve never fueled properly or made the necessary sacrifices to truly prepare for a long run. Despite reading up on it, I still have no idea what a fartlek is. Every time I go into Varsity Sports for a new pair of running shoes, I act like it’s the first time I’ve ever picked up a pair…in my life. My training plans are completely made up to fit within my life, not become my life. I don’t have a playlist…I listen to books.
And while there are a myriad of other reasons I’ve never allowed myself to use the word “runner” in my description, these three specific reasons have been the mental hurdles I’ve never been able to clear.
But here is the deal, I would NEVER in one million actual years allow even a stranger to use these same excuses or hurtful self talk, so why do I allow it from myself?
I was introduced to the term “imposter syndrome” when I read Feminist Fight Club, the amazing book by Jessica Bennett, several years ago. Coined back in the 1970s, imposter syndrome is the nagging feeling that you’re undeserving, under qualified, or simply don’t belong because you feel “less than”. While these feelings affect women, people of color, and the LGBTQ+ population disproportionately, it’s also common among creatives, students, and high achievers.
But here is the deal, knowing about imposter syndrome doesn’t give you immunity. It just makes it more obvious. In terms of running, I’m clearly struggling with imposter syndrome. Logically, I know that. And as I type this out and see the words so clearly in front of me…any doubt that it’s anything different is squashed! Clearly, I need a plan to tackle this mental obstacle and in order to create that plan, I’m going to pretend like someone else has shared this struggle with me and respond accordingly.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome — The Plan
Get rid of the negative self-talk and instead talk yourself up.
The words you think can actually change the way you see yourself. So if you are constantly telling yourself that you don’t deserve a certain label (runner) because you don’t fit some unrealistic image you’ve attached to that label (Olympic athlete), you will begin to believe it. However, if you make the cognizant decision to start using that label regardless, you can flip the script! You might feel ridiculous…but do it anyway. You might feel like you are ‘faking it’…but do it anyway. Another tactic is to ask yourself what evidence exists to support that negative talk. Odds are your negative speak is unfounded so the evidence will not exist.
Additionally, identify what is triggering that negative self-talk. Does it increase after a social media scroll or after speaking to certain people? Start paying attention to your mood shifts and targeting when those negative thoughts begin to really take over. Identifying those triggers and reducing your interactions with them will have significant benefits.
So, for me, I can start identifying myself as a runner when prompted. When someone indicates that they think I’m a runner or asks if I am, I can confirm not deny that to be true. When the negative talk starts to seep into my thoughts, I can ask myself to provide the evidence that I am not, in fact, a runner. When I start to doubt the qualifications of my body, I can remind myself of the things this body has accomplished. When I start to doubt my ability, I can remind myself of the races finished. When I start to doubt my knowledge, I can check out a podcast or book to learn a little more. I’m not incapable…but I am a little stubborn. I’m not a fraud…I am a runner. 🙂 Also, I’ve been paying attention to when my moods shift and have definitely identified a few of my triggers, one being comparison on social media. So I’ve started to unfollow the accounts that aren’t life-giving and limiting my time on certain apps.
Write out your goals and track your progress.
I have always been an advocate for writing out goals and physically placing them in areas that will be seen often to assist with motivation and visualization. I find it’s helpful to remember the “why” when temptations to throw in the towel get REAL real! I typically keep reminders of my annual goals in my calendar, on a white board in my office, and on a virtual dashboard in my workspace. I have seen others place their goals on their bathroom mirror or refrigerator since those items are often visited throughout the day. There are multiple reasons why tracking progress towards those goals is so important, including ensuring your approach to goal achievement is heading in the right direction. However, relative to imposter syndrome, tracking that process will help you gather the appropriate evidence you will need to build the case against your negative self-talk. It’s real hard to convince yourself you aren’t making progress when the evidence is smacking you right in the face!
As a friendly reminder, make sure your goals are SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. If you are already struggling with the voice inside your head, don’t set yourself up for further negative self-talk by setting a goal that isn’t realistic or appropriate. Keep it simple and celebrate your wins.
So for me, I’ll need to create realistic and achievable goals related to running, make them visible, and then begin to track the appropriate progress toward those goals. These goals will be related to distance, speed, and enjoyment level as the runs go from WERK to cup-filling. As I see the evidence of progress and improvement, which is inevitable with time and training, I will have a much harder time convincing myself that it isn’t real. Additionally, to help build my confidence, I’ve decided to basically start from scratch. I’ve started a beginner strength program with the Peloton app and plan to continue those guided strength, yoga, and running classes. These quick classes will not only help me create a sustainable schedule/routine but also help me build a stronger foundation to help me tackle those nasty body image thoughts too.
Reach out for support and ask for help.
The journey to overcoming imposter syndrome is not a sprint but a marathon. (See what I did there?) We are not made to do life alone…and thank goodness for that because that would be exhausting! When the self-doubting becomes too overwhelming and the tactics and evidence above aren’t cutting it, you need a partner, accountability buddy, wing woman, mentor, professional, coach, or friend. You need someone that you can trust to give you an objective account of reality. You need to hear a voice different than your own. Find your person that you can be vulnerable with that will help you take a step back and regroup. Now, this doesn’t mean open your head to any and all unsolicited opinions. Trust me, I have no lack of folks offering opinions…constantly. Those voices aren’t always helpful so just be mindful of who you are listening to and turn off or shut down those that aren’t.
So for me, this includes including a few more people into my running journey. Maybe a running club or a running partner? No pressure Chen! Including more touch points with professionals (i.e. coaches, nutritionists, medical care providers, etc.), just to make sure I’m operating safely. This also includes not listening to the Negative Nancys that only provide criticisms and, again, ensuring I’m consuming only positive, life-giving media.
Overcoming imposter syndrome and mental blocks is not for the faint of heart. I recognize that this is not something to make light of and that real work is on my horizon. While I completely understand that I am a constant work-in-progress, I also understand that I am not alone. I plan on being transparent with what works/doesn’t work over the next few months but I would also really like to hear from others experiencing similar struggles/plans. Let me know what is working/not working for you!
Amazingly written and very entertaining .
Well done!